he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
