hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
