ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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