just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
