I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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