I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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