but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
