not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
