ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
