i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
