Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
