Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
