what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
