We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
two words...techno handjob
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
