DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I want her autograph on my taint
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
