I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And then he peed in my hair
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