Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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