Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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