u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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