Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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