he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
