I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
