I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
