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Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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