i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
