Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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