Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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