hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
