Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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