he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
