I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
