Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
