One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
