After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
