i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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