Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
