im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
