Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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