They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize
