As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
