"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
