I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
