her vagine was all disorganized.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My pussy is not your playground.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
