her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You pole danced in your parka.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
