Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
