i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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