Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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