Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
i now understand why vodka
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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