found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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