i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
