Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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