He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
So vagazzling was a success
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
