Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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