Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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