He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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