I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
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