I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
