how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
