i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Say something about gay babies.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
